Never Surrender
by But I Have Promises To Keep
Summary: When mistakes are made, what does it mean to truly surrender? Based on Skillet's song "Never Surrender". Rated T for violence and language.
1. Chapter 1

**So, this turned out WAY different than I thought, and is VERY different than how I planned it. This is from a request by Molly (mozzi-girl), hope you like it :)**

"Hurry!" yelled Natara, running into the elementary school. Mal ran closely on her heels, his gun drawn. They had gotten a report of someone breaking into a local elementary school, and later a call from a frantic teacher who had her third grade class taken hostage. She was forced out of the room, while her students were trapped inside.  
>"You take the left, I'll go right!" Mal said in a tense whisper. Natara nodded slowly, drawing her gun and searching for the classroom. A shriek, the high one of a young girls pierced through the halls. Mal sprinted down the halls, finding a small hole through the glass on the other side of the door. Knowing this hole was used to unlock the door, Mal stuck his hand in it and reaches around to the lock. Broken glass dug into his wrist, causing blood to stream down his arm. Ignoring the sharp pain, Mal felt around until he heard the sharp click of the door being unlocked, then ran in, his gun raised. A man, one who looked in his mid-twenties, was standing over a small bunch of frightened children. His face was somewhat familiar to Mal, and he knew that he had seen him before. The man grabbed one in particular, a small olive skinned girl in a pink shirt, holding her out in front of him. Her bright dark eyes shone with frightened tears as the man crouched slightly to be shielded behind the girl, his gun pressed into her back.<p>

"Let her go" Mal said "She's done nothing".

"She's alive" he hissed "That's what she's done".

Then it hit him. Seeing this man two years ago, after his eight year old daughter went missing. Seeing this man two months ago, after his still-eight year old daughter was found at the bottom of a river. Seeing him, after being called into the station, pound the wall in anger. Seeing his wife scream and cry in anguish. Watching as he punched the wall when he found out they couldn't even catch the man who did this. That mark is still there, and Mal didn't know how he could forget.

"And you want another parent to suffer like you did? Go through what you did after you lost…" Mal paused for a second, trying to remember the girls name "…Susie?".

The man froze for a second, clearly conflicted. Then he dug his hand in to the girls arm, squeezing tighter and causing the girl to cry out in pain. "Don't you dare pretend to know what it's like to lose your only child" he snarled "You don't even know! You don't even…". He stopped abruptly when he noticed the girl was crying. Her tiny sniffles were slowly growing louder, and she seemed unable to control herself.

"Shut up!" he yelled, squeezing the girls arm tighter. The girl gave a quick squeak of pain, and only began to cry harder.

"Would Susie want you to hurt that little girl?" challenged Mal "What if that girl was her friend? Would she want you to hurt her?".

The man peered briefly at Mal over the girls shoulder. "I don't know, and because of the son of a bitch that killed my little girl I never will!".

Mal directed his attention to the girl, hoping if the man heard more from the girl he would be more compassionate to her. "What's your name?" he asked her.

"Kyra" she barely choked out.

"And how old are you?" Mal continued to ask. It was working, the man was watching for Kyra's answer.

"Ten" she said tearfully.

"Look at her" Mal said "She's Susie's age". The man turned away, hiding his eyes from looking at his captive.

"Look at her!" Mal yelled at him.  
>And he did. The man looked up once at Kyra. Kyra turned her head ever so slightly, managing to smile weakly at him. Mal was impressed on how well the girl was doing, and slowly took a few tentative steps closer. The man's vice-like grip lessened, and Mal slowly inched closer. Then, for the first time, the man's eyes lock on Mal's gun.<p>

"You're a cop" he said. His eyes were cold.  
>Very slowly, Mal nodded, seeing no reason to lie.<p>

The man's lips barely moved as he hissed _"you could have saved her…"._ There was a deafening bang, screams of the children behind them, a deafening screech. When Mal looked up, Kyra's little pink shirt was stained crimson.

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><p><strong>This was based on a real school shooting very close to me. Innocent lives were taken, I was young. It changed my town forever. And I think it changed me too, for at that age I didn't think children could die. I always thought children were almost immortal, and it destroyed the trust in people I had as a child. After that schools were sent into a state of panic, and we were all taught how to hide. Parents didn't allow their children to play outside anymore, and it took away some of our freedom. But the thing was, we didn't care that our freedom was taken away. We were taught to be afraid and not trust people, that everyone was out to get us and we were lucky to be alive. I do not mean this to strike a nerve with anyone who was in or near the recent school shootings, and I apologize if it struck a little close to home for anyone. <strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**To _mozzi-girl_ and _Oryt_ and _SVUProductions_, thanks so much for the reviews, they really mean a lot :) I was very worried that someone would be offended that I had a school shooting in here, thus why I shared my own experience with the subject. Thanks so much for reviewing :)**

The world seemed to freeze for a second, the world taking in the impact of what had just happened. Mal seemed to be one of the first to unfreeze, jumping forward and grabbing the man. Kyra had fallen to the ground, whimpering and curling up in a ball. Mal grabbed the man's gun hand, trying to get control of it. They struggled for a moment, and the remainder of the kids moving across the room in a wave to avoid a fate similar to Kyra's. Another child grabbed Kyra, pulling her across the floor to safety and making her cry out in pain. After a second Mal was able to wrestle the gun out of the man's hand, and it skittered across the floor and under a desk. Mal pinned the man to the ground, and in anger the man reared up like a striking cobra. Mal shoved his shoulders back to the ground, causing the man's head to slam into the linoleum floor. After a second the man went still, clearly knocked out from the impact. Leaving him like that, man turned to find Kyra. She was still, curled like a little animal and surrounded by her classmates. One child, an girl with long black hair and slanted eyes, was holding Kyra and trying to keep her out of harms way. Her mouth made a perfect '_O_' of horror, fat tears streamed down her cheeks. For a second she seemed afraid of Mal, and looked as if she was trying to shield Kyra from him. After a moment she seemed to realize what she was doing, and she moved aside slightly to allow Mal to get to her.

Natara's head snapped up at the sudden snap of gunfire from somewhere in the building. She sprinted to the source of the noise, hoping desperately that it was only a warning shot. She ran down a short hallway, freezing when a flash if red caught her eye. The glass in the side of the door was broken, a small amount of blood sliding down the slick glass. She stopped and listened, trying to decide if it was safe to enter, or if she would frighten the intruder and put the kids at risk. After a moment of silence Natara entered, a scene if utter horror meeting her eyes. About ten kids were backed up in a corner, many of them crying profusely. Slightly aside from them was Mal, his hands over the bleeding wound in a small girls back. Quickly scanning the room, Natara joined Mal at the girls side.

"Get the kids out" Mal said firmly.

"Mal, this girl could die. We need to-".

"Nat" he said quietly "She's already dead. Get the kids out". Natara glanced down at Mal's hands, which were still over the girls back as if he was still hoping to trap a little life in her. After a moment of coaxing Natara convinced the kids to emerge from their hiding spot. She herded them like sheep down the halls, leading them safely out of the building. After dropping them off with the backup that had arrived, Natara returned to Mal. He was still kneeling next the the girl, still holding his hands over her back. She wondered why he did this still, as she had taken it as an act so the other children didn't know their classmate hadn't died before their eyes.

"Mal" she said softly "there's nothing you can do. Come on".

"No" he said faintly.

"Come on" Natara said again. After a moment in which Natara thought Mal would once again refuse, Mal got up. For a moment it seemed like he didn't want to leave the child behind, even though that was the procedure. Natara let him stand there for a moment, walking over and handcuffing the still-unconscious man to a desk to come back for later. She returned to Mal, who's eyes were still trained on the still form of the girl. As if to remind him where he was, Natara went to take his hand to lead him away. Her hand only brushed his his until it came back soaking wet.

"Mal, you're bleeding" Natara pointed out.

"Huh?".

"Your arm, it's bleeding. Did you cut it on the glass?". Mal didn't answer, but began to walk towards the exit, not looking back. Natara followed, and for a moment she looked back, slightly regretting that she had to leave the girl behind.


	3. Chapter 3

**Idele lui martie fericit! (Happy Ides of march!) Thanks so much for the reviews! Sorry I didn't get a chance to upload before, we had a minor fire at my school. Nothing big, no one was hurt so no problem. Yeah...my school doesn't have the best of luck. ****So I'm uploading at a very weird time so please forgive me for grammar mistakes and such since this was rather rushed.**

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><p>Luckily for Mal, the cut wasn't that deep. After several layers of a gauzy bandage he was fine, and he and Natara just had to drop off the shooter before they could go home. The man was awake, but utterly calm, resentful even. Still, as they put him in the back of the squad car Mal was unnecessarily rough.<p>

"Mal" Natara scolded as Mal shoved the man in, causing the man to hit his head hard on the back of the seat "Ease up, the last thing we need is a police brutality charge. I think there's been enough damage for one day". Mal shot her a sharp look, and she realized what Mal might have taken from that. "It wasn't your fault" Natara added, seeing a sheet-covered stretcher being taken out of the school. "There was nothing you could have done". She got in, watching as Mal did so on the drivers side.

"And how do you know that?" he challenged angrily.

"Because I know you" she said "and I know you did all you could. You shouldn't blame yourself".

"Who said I was blaming myself?" he said angrily. Natara fell silent, but knew that she was right in what she said.

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><p>The next morning was, undeniably, horrible. Stories circulated about how the girls father had a near mental breakdown. How the mother was passed tears, her face unmoving as she was told her daughters fate. Kyra's older sister, who was only thirteen, only asked softly <em>"Why?".<em> Natara met them, saying how very sorry they were for their loss. How they did everything they could, but there was nothing more that they could do. Of course these rumors were never confirmed, and Mal had yet to talk to them. He was 'busy' on both occasions, and Kyra's mother had said she understood. It wasn't until about three days after the incident that Kyra's family called, they wanted to meet the man who killed their daughter. Captain Yeong didn't refuse. Many commented that they didn't think this was a good idea, but no one questioned her decision to her face. Luke Wikes, who the man was identified as later, was waiting in the interrogation room when the strange little family walked in. Kyra's mother appeared just as calm as earlier, and this mood seemed to have spread to her father and sister. Kyra's mother nodded to her remaining daughter to sit down in a chair across the room, and she obeyed.

"Don't cause any trouble Rose" the girls mother warned. Rose gave a worried glance at her mother, clearly uneasy. She went and sat in the corner, her head bowed as if in silent prayer. Kyra's mother looked up at Natara, who they recognized from the other day, for instructions. Mal, who had melted into the shadows, didn't make eye contact.

"Stay with the girl" Natara whispered "I'm taking them in". Looking rather surprised, Mal looked questioningly at Natara. "Would you rather go in with them?". Mal didn't answer, but headed in the direction of the girl. He'd barely spoken once since the argument after they arrested Luke, and Natara let him go. She figured he was in shock, as seeing a child die could make even someone as talkative as Mal fall silent. Natara gestured for the couple to follow her in the interrogation room, and they very willingly did so. Meredith, a scrawny and worried-looking woman who was Luke's wife was sitting next to her husband, clearly in a heated conversation with him. Luke it appeared, wasn't listening. He was facing forward, his hands gripping the table tightly and his head down as if he wished to disappear into the floor. Kyra's mother sat across from them, her husband next to her. Natara sat and observed in the background. Neither of the two families spoke for a moment, Luke was still staring at the floor. Natara knew that he had just been put on medication to treat his severe post traumatic stress disorder, which was the cause for him to lash out at those children. Natara guessed he saw those kids going to school, and it consumed him with envy. That he couldn't understand how they could be here, but Susie was not.  
>Finally, after an eternity of silence, Meredith broke the icy wall that seemed to have formed.<p>

"Words cannot describe how sorry we are" she finally said. Her voice cracked slightly, it was clear she had been crying.

Kyra's mother surveyed Luke and Meredith, seemingly searching for something. "You didn't mean it" she said softly "It wasn't your fault".

"But your child is still gone" Meredith choked "It doesn't matter who's fault it is, it won't bring her back". She began to cry slightly, and fought to keep her voice steady "I'm so sorry…".

"But we forgive you" said Kyra's mother "It does not help to hold grudges, to hold on to thing that can not be helped". She looked at Meredith "You also lost your child. Do you still carry pictures of her?".  
>Still crying, Meredith pulled out her wallet and showed a picture of an eight or so year old girl. Her freckled face was scrunched up at a long forgotten joke, her hair pulled back in a braid.<p>

"She's pretty" Kyra's mother said. "I am sorry for your loss. No one should have to go through the pain of losing a child. It isn't fair for a life to be ended so abruptly". She paused for a moment, seemingly considering her next words. "We, me and him" she nodded towards Kyra's father "talked, for a long time. You've suffered enough, and in the end, will it really matter if we put a man who made a mistake to jail? It won't bring Kyra back. I guess what I'm trying to say is…we're not pressing charges. We're not going to cause your family anymore pain".  
>Meredith had truly broken down to tears now.<p>

"Thank you…" she was barely able to choke out. Without another word Kyra's mother and father got up, Kyra's mother looking as if she'd just fought a horrible internal battle.

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><p>Rose simply studied Mal as she waited for her parents, saying nothing. Mal said nothing either, so most of the time passed in silence. After a long time, Rose's eyes fell on Mal's hand and she asked<p>

"What'd you do to your hand?". Mal didn't answer, but allowed his jacket sleeve to fall over and cover the bandage over his knuckles. After another pause Rose's eyes narrowed, focusing on the gun in Mal's holster.

"Did you ever shoot anyone?" she asked.

Before Mal could even think of a response Rose's mothers voice sounded sharply behind him "That's enough Rose".

At the sound of her mothers voice Rose stood, clearly ready o leave. "So?" she spat "Is he going to jail?".

"We're not pressing charges Rose" he her father said "That man didn't mean it".  
>Rose's fists clenched in anger "You're just going to let him go? Just like that! He killed Kyra! He held a gun to her side, he knew what he did would lead to her death!<em> And you're just going to let him go!"<em>.

"Rose" Natara said gently "That man, he didn't mean it. People who are like that, they don't think like you and I. Maybe you'll understand when you're a little older. It's understandable if your angry, or if you don't quite understand-"

"Shut up!" she yelled "I understand perfectly! He killed Kyra, and you're just gonna let him off! And you-" she whipped around, facing Mal. _"...You could have saved her"_ she hissed. And with that she stormed out the door, not even looking back at the affect she caused.


	4. Chapter 4

**Review Replies**:

**MaltaraFluff647: **

**Thanks so much! That's my favorite thing to write about anyways :) I don't have the ability to write fluff at all, so I usually end up writing the darker stuff. Anyways, I agree with you. I don't think there's any greater love that between a child and a parent/guardian. I'm not like the teenagers who usually fight with their parents all the time, I love them with all my heart. Thanks so much, your review made my day!  
><strong>

**mozzi-girl: **

**Thanks! Always awesome to get a review from you :)**

**Also, sorry if Mal and Rose seem like their acting kind of...vicious in this chapter, but I promise it won't be like that the whole time.  
><strong>

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><p>"<em>Would you hurry up<em>?" Mal spat.

"Sorry!" cried Amy, typing furiously on her computer. It was the morning after Rose's little outburst, and in that time Natara and Mal had taken on a new case. Mal had been snapping at anyone and everyone ever since, and Natara was getting sick of it.

"Mal" Natara said in a harsh whisper "Come here!". She grabbed him just above the elbow and took him into a secluded corner of the crime lab.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Natara asked.

"Excuse me?".

"Don't play dumb. You've been snapping at everyone since yesterday".

"Oh yeah?".

"Yes! You just snapped at Amy, she's doing the best she can! You never snap at Amy. Kai maybe, but never Amy. _no one_ gets mad at Amy".

"Well excuse me if I'm not exactly cheerful! If you haven't noticed there's some murderer running around and we have no leads at all!" Mal snapped.

Natara's eyes narrowed. "Is this about what Rose said?".

"No" Mal said too-quickly.

"I think it is. Mal, she's just a kid. She just lost her sister, she's frustrated and she needs to pin the blame on someone".

"You know what Nat?" Mal said, already walking away "just forget it".

"You can't let what Rose said get to you. Don't blame yourself" she said.

"It's not that damn simple!"

"Then tell me Mal, tell me how it is! Tell me what's wrong, I want to help you!" she said, but Mal was already walking away. "You can't just walk away from this!".

"Watch me!" he said, exiting the crime lab and heading upstairs. An awkward silence hung over the room, Natara hadn't realized how loud they'd been talking. Amy looked at her with raised eyebrows, clearly asking what Natara was going to do.

"Don't worry" Natara whispered "This isn't over".

Without another word she walked up the stairs, following Mal. As soon as she got upstairs Ken confronted her."What did you do?" he asked.

"What are you talking about?" Natara said, playing dumb.

Ken's eyes narrowed "You told Captain that Mal needs a psych. eval!".

"Who said that was me?" Natara said, even though it was her.

"Because you're you! Look, Mal's gone through from some deep crap _on his own_. What on earth made you think he needs a psych eval?".

"First off, its a psychological evaluation, and it's not that big of a deal! Second, I didn't say he needs one" Natara said, already walking out the front door, knowing she was going to end up walking home. "But look at him! If he's like this now, how is he going to act out in the field? The last thing he needs is to get into more trouble. Where is he anyways?".

"Left already, told me to tell you he can't give you a ride home. Got called in to Captains office the minute he came upstairs. Did you know Captain took away his badge?" he said.

"So?" Natara said "He'll go tonight and they'll clear him. He'll be back in the morning, the psychologist will clear him and he'll feel better because he talked about it!".

"And if he doesn't pass?" Ken asked. "If he doesn't talk to you, why on earth would he talk to some stranger?".

Natara froze briefly, trying to think of an answer. She had never thought about Mal failing. "He'll be fine" she said "I'm sure he will".

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><p>That evening, Mal was driving home, his knuckles gripped tightly around the wheel in anger. As he passed a intersection he could see a small group of teens in an ally, some of them smoking. Then one of them caught his eye. A tall girl with olive skin and long waist-length hair, and she was one of the kids smoking. Knowing who it was, Mal parked his car, getting out.<p>

"Rose!" he said, picking out the girl immediately. He grabbed her wrist, leading her a few feet away from the crowd. A few of the teens called out to her, but she ignored them.

"Who the hell are-" she started, but stopped. "You're that cop from earlier" she said, flicking the cigarette.

Mal grabbed the cigarette from her hand. "Do you have any idea how bad there are for you?".

"And since when does this concern you?" she spat.

Mal stomped the cigarette out on the ground "Did you know this is illegal? You're thirteen!".

She rolled her eyes at him "Then go ahead, arrest me then!". She held her wrists out, clearly waiting for the handcuffs. She smirked when Mal did nothing. "See, you won't. No one cares what the murdered girl's sister does. Not anymore".

"Your mother is going to hear about this" Mal said.

"Go ahead!" she said "Like she cares! Sure she put's on a brave face for the public, but in real life? She's just as messed up as the rest of us". Then her eyes fell on something, or rather something that wasn't there.  
>"You don't have your gun" she said "Did you get in trouble or something?". Her voice was not happy, but more so regretful.<p>

"Go home Rose" Mal said, already heading back to his car.


	5. Chapter 5

Natara walked into the station that morning, deciding to take the bus since she didn't know how Mal would take her signing him up for a psych eval. When she entered she didn't see Mal, and figured he must be down in the crime lab. When she entered Amy and Ken were talking animatedly in a corner, and Kai had obviously not arrived yet. Both Ken and Amy looked up at Natara as she arrived, their faces unreadable.

"Where's Mal?" Natara asked, walking toward them.

"He failed" Amy said.

"What!"

"Mal failed his psych eval" Ken said "apparently he refused to say anything, said he was too aggressive. Now he can't come back until the end of this week".

"Where'd you hear that?" Natara asked, still rather shocked. She certainly didn't expect Mal to fail.

"Captain Yeong" Amy said "She said normally she couldn't disclose the details, but gave us a good idea".

Suddenly feeling rather bad for making Mal do it in the first place, Natara declared "I'm going to go talk to him right after work. There's something else I need to tell him about anyways".

"What?".

"Kyra's funeral is tomorrow and her mother said she wanted Mal and I there" Natara said.

"Any idea why?" Amy asked.

"She said Rose wanted us to come" Natara answered. She paused for a moment. "She said Rose found out exactly what happened".

"With what?" Amy asked.

"There was a security tape in the classroom when Kyra was killed. They didn't allow they to see it, but they were told _exactly_ what happened. Every little detail".

"And how did Rose take it? You don't think she's flip on you or Mal again, do you?" Amy asked.

"I don't know" Natara said "But I guess we'll find out in a few days.

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><p>Mal heard a knock of the door the next evening, and part of him didn't want to open it. Who knows who was behind it? Natara wanting to talk about how he failed his psych eval, or something about Rose or Kyra. After a second faint knock Mal opened the door, not at all surprised to see Natara there.<p>

"Hey" she said softly "missed you at work today".  
>Mal didn't answer, but simply started at her. Captain Yeong had said it was an anonymous person who suggested he 'May be in shock from recent events'. He took 'anonymous' to be 'Natara'. At first he had been angry, felt betrayed even. Then he realized how right she was. That, while he may not buy into all that psychology crap, she was right to think there was something wrong. That Rose's words had affected him more than he realized.<p>

"Anyways, I don't know if you heard, but Kyra's funeral is tomorrow" Natara said "And her family wants us to be there".  
>What Mal thought was he had no right being there. That he couldn't go to her funeral, considering he practically killed her. He didn't say this, for this would only male things worse.<p>

"Rose wants you to be there" Natara added.

"Rose?" Mal asked.

"Yeah, I think she's the one who asked her mother to invite you". She paused for a moment. "Are you going to go?".  
>A thousand things that could go wrong ran through Mal's mind. Being surrounded by people who, like Rose, blamed him. Or having Rose make another scene at her sisters funeral. Or even everything go okay, but having his mind end up surrendering to the blame.<p>

Still, Mal said "I guess so".

Natara smiled "I think Rose would appreciate it".

Mal thought of her outburst in the station the other day. "I hope she does".

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><p>The next morning Mal swung by to pick Natara up. She came out, wearing a knee length black dress of some sort of gauzy material. She got in, the wind briefly creating a wind tunnel in Mal's car. It only took a short while to get to the place where Kyra would lay, and Mal found it was packed with people. They all looked out of place, with their dark clothing absorbing the bright sunlight. Several people watched as Mal and Natara climbed out of the car, and continued to stare. Mal froze for a second, thinking of how out of place Natara and he were. The next thing he knew Natara had grabbed the upper part of his arm and was confidently leading Mal forward. Several people were staring at the strange new arrivals, but Natara didn't seem to care. Mal's eyes had locked on something in the distance. A girl, with long black hair and olive skin. She was standing with her mother, whom she was already almost taller than. Her mother tapped her on the shoulder, saying something that Mal couldn't here and pointing in his direction. Rose turned around, her eyes locking on Mal. Slowly, as if walking too fast would scare Mal like a wild animal, she walked over. Mal wasn't surprised to see she was crying.<p>

"I know what you did" she choked out "You wouldn't leave her". She sniffed heavily "I'm so sorry, you-you did everything you could. And all I did was blame you". She was really crying now, tears spilling down her cheeks. Mal suddenly noticed Natara had melted away, supposedly letting Rose have her say without an unwanted audience. "I promise, I'm not going to get in any more trouble" she choked out "I'm gonna work really hard. Get to a good college and be a cop. I want to protect people like Kyra".

Mal managed a sad smile "So I'm not gonna see you smoking in the allies now, right?".

She shook her head and managed a small smile "That was a one time thing, my friend convinced me to try it, said it calmed her down".

"Guessing that didn't work out?".  
>"I'm allergic to smoke apparently" she said, still managing a slight smile.<p>

Rose turned as her mother called her from across the cemetery, but she turned back to Mal before she left. Finally, she said rather shakily "I should go, but just to let you know, Kyra wasn't one to hold grudges. I'm sure, wherever she is, she knows you did everything you could". And with that she turned on heel, sunlight falling in her wake. Mal squinted, but could not see her walking away.


End file.
